June 19, 2011

105 degrees?? Wow! Better grab a jacket!

 Texas is so dang hot.  (Andrew's Note: Being hot is one of my least favorite things in this world.)

And this is coming from a girl who grew up in Malaysia... maybe I've become lame in my older years, but my gosh, it is ridiculous out there.  We Houstonians literally have to plan our days around the sun.  Nobody goes outside to do anything between like 8:30 AM and 6:30 PM (um try 6am - 9pm), and for go-getters like me, this is tough.  How's a girl supposed to be efficient when you can't step past your front door?  Here are a few indications that stepping outside might be unwise.

1.  Energy Efficiency:  We Texans support this movement.  Your morning routine involves breakfast and brushing your teeth.  Mine involves closing curtains (and sitting the dachshunds in an ice bath).  Don't judge. 

2.  Good bye Martha Stewart:  I haven't baked anything since oh... mid April (  :-(    ).  Baking requires an oven, and the only way my oven is going on is if we're going to someone else's house for dinner.

3.  Turf wars:  Ironically, if you drove past our house right now you'd notice that we have some of the best lookin' grass in our ghetto neighborhood.  Green is in, brown is out... and we Texans take an abnormal amount of pride in our lawns.  (You should see the edges...the grass is like a 4" thick carpet)

  All that to say, your're supposed to water your lawn like twice a week, BUT.. if you turn on your sprinkler system to go off at say... oh... 1 AM...who's really checking?  The 93 year-olds on the neighborhood council go to bed at like 7 PM right?  (They use flocks of crows as spies who watch over the neighborhood at night and report back the next morning.  That's what my elf-eyes see.)

Side Note1 = If you accidentally leave the sprinkler on for 25 hours, your neighbors WILL come over and ask why you're flooding their lawn

(Seriously, there were squirrels frolicking and hitting each other with pool noodles back there) 

Side Note 2 = Blame Chile.
(Always.  Blame.  Chile.)

4.  Dog naps:  Our dogs get lethargic this time of year, and not just from being overweight... cough, Won Ton.  (Wife, you're going to give him a complex!)  Around 1:30 PM they both wearily climb up the stairs (yes, dog stairs) to our couch, get as far away from pillows or blankets, sigh abnormally loudly, and turn belly side up.
"What, are we not keeping it cool enough for you?..?"  Punks.
Hot Dog.

5.  Low redefined:  When Local 2 News comes on and the cheery weather guy gets excited that we're getting a low of 100 today, we Houstonians resist the urge to post mean things on his FB page.

Side Note 1 = Andrew is Facebook friends, yes Facebook friends, with all the weather people except the chick I think.
(No no, I'm friends with all of them.  Once they see that you're friends with one anchor, the rest are more likely to friend you.  -Redmon, Andrew. Stalking Your Neighborhood Weather Casters: A Complete Guide. New York: Penguin, 2006. Print.)

Side Note 2 = Andrew has a hurricane tracker app that he uses to watch tropical forecast videos before bed each night.  Nerd.   (You know you sleep better knowing that the high pressure system is getting less and less organized as it moves into the cooler waters of the central Gulf.)

6. Hurricane season!  Do you have your hurricane tracker chart??  Andrew does.  I'm going to let him do the honors on this once since he's an even bigger nerd than me.  (I am fascinated by hurricanesI thought they were interesting before, but living in KY puts you pretty far from the danger.  They report on them here like crazy because, of course, each and every one has the possibility of directly hitting us.  Ask me about the Cone of Uncertainty!)

7.  Marching band polyesterness:  I went to Taylor HS in Katy for one year and we learned how to march for Football games and band competitions in this kind of weather.  (I can't even fathom that.  It's funny to watch the local high school's drumline during August camp...no matter how big the line is, they're all crammed into a foot and a half of shade from the local teeny tiny tree.)  Whoever designed those polyester marching band tunics was obviously from Minnesota. 

In summation:

Living here this time of year is nauseating, but it really is worth it when November rolls around.  Texans venture out of their houses!    We can BBQ all winter long, sit on our porches and drink iced tea... while you shovel snow.  And double perk for us in the education field, if someone even mentions the "f" word (Flurries!! Get your mind out of the gutter!), the entire city of Houston shuts down and school is out for like a week.  
 Yes.  : )
  (I personally kind of hate it all year round.  November is a time for crackly leaves, chilly temperatures, comfortable jackets, and freeze-your-face-off-last-ditch-efforts-for-the-playoffs-that-marching-bands-STILL-have-to-go-to.  I really love my cold weather, if you can't tell.  It gets cold enough to put on a fake fire log (why do Houston houses have fireplaces??) for about 25 minutes in December and then another hour in February.  Even though I miss the little bit of snow we get in GA and KY, we do get school cancelled here for lots of rain.  That's pretty nice.  OH WAIT, WE'RE IN THE WORST DROUGHT THE STATE HAS SEEN IN 50 YEARS AND HAVEN'T SEEN A DROP SINCE JANUARY 23RD!  (Seriously!  The weather people said so!)

Yer basic Texas snowman.  Y'all.
(Dang Texas weather.)
This is what happens when you type in Houston Snow Plow...

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