It's too bad I don't rule at real sports the way I rule at Wii Golf. I'm busting out 2 and 3 under par with my trusty Mii and his perfectly sculpted green maintenece without batting an eyelash. I'm sinking 50 foot putts with dachshunds fighting around my feet, for goodness' sake! Real golf, you ask? Well, let me tell you about my last golfing experience....
It was a beautiful summer day in Michigan, circa 2002. I was up there for my friends Mark & Krista's wedding. MarkyMark decided to take all the guys in his wedding golfing. Really everyone else could play at least decently....except for me. I think everyone else was averaging just over par and I was averaging just under disastrous. Krista's Dad was incredibly gracious and hung back with me while I was furiously working on 12 over par (on the first hole). I would miss ten or twelve times, then hit the ball 3 or 4 yards, rinse, repeat. This mess went on for a good long time. Mind you, I had just worked at a golf course in Atlanta ALL SUMMER right before this!! Not that I learned how to actually golf...I was too busy ignoring all the high school guys talking about smoking pot and breaking stuff in the back room. I did learn that the best job on a golf course is when you run out of the little containers of green sand that we stock in each golf cart (for replacing divots) and someone has to take a cart allllllll the way across the course to the sand pit and bring back sand. Ahhhh freedom. Picking up all the balls on the driving range with the big green truck was fun too, just don't forget to lock the doors on the side so they don't come open. People aim for you when you're out there, I swear.
Anyway, I managed to survive the experience but learn absolutely nothing about the game of golf, except look for the golf bags with bottles of liquor in them because those guys will tip you, come back drunk as a skunk, and then tip you again :-)
I hope you enjoyed this because that's more sports-y talk than I've done in the last 5 years combined. You're welcome!